Matthew 21:22 (ESV) And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith
Didn’t I pray hard enough?
Did I not use the right words?
Don’t you hear the cries of your daughter?
Is my faith not deep enough?
The many questions that plagued me when I suddenly lost my only brother and only 15 days after my father went onto glory.
I thought you are a good father…
Have you prayed for something so much, that it became your hearts passion and yearning? That was prayer for my brother, the prodigal son. When you pray expectant and waiting to shout from the mountain top, “Look what my God did!!!”
But what about the prayers of my brother? In this journey God has opened my eyes and strengthened my faith in ways I could never imagine. Perspective and authenticity are key. Lifting our eyes and crying out authentically to God in our grief, there is no reason to lie to him, he already knows our hearts. He knew I was questioning why he allowed these events to unfold. If we are talking to him then we are drawing closer.
God help me understand. I wanted God to share the good that he knew was coming from this indescribable pain of these losses. This would bring me comfort and peace through it all. I still want to shout from the mountain top, “Look what my God did!!!”
He tells us in his word that he works all things for good for those that love him. With each day, digging deeper into His word and seeking to understand his ways that are higher than ours, He began to pull the curtain back allowing me to see his hand in every single moment. He will do this for you too!
I can sit here today and tell you that God heard the cries of his children in the situation with my brother. My prayer was in direct opposition of my brothers. My brother cried out to God to take him, that he was tired, he couldn’t do life in this world anymore. My brother had been crying this for years to God. God took my brother swift, and on His terms. That is our good and great father. He heard my cries too and knew that in the long run this would deepen my faith because my feet were anchored into his truths and I knew his character. It would also send me on my next level of commissioning.
Lean into God and His word in times of struggle. It is ok to wrestle with our faith, that is when we truly get to see who this good and great God is that we serve, He will take you by the hand through it all and walk with you pointing out to you all of the unseen moments and treasures that may have been missed along the way.
Heavenly Father, I thank you that I can trust you in every situation. I know that you see the big picture and as long as I stay focused on and connected to you that you will continue to direct my path even when I doubt myself and at times you. Help me to have the eyes to see you in every circumstance. Thank you for being able to handle my humanness, to see through to the inner most parts of my heart and know that I still love you through it all. Amen.
Laura Dahl
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